Major meltdown this morning... and this time, it was me who was losing it. I woke up feeling like I'm coming down with a cold. Sore throat, achy neck and a huge lack of sleep. Since starting the diet I've slept terribly, waking up 4-8 times a night to go to the bathroom. Last night I tossed and turned for what seemed like hours.
First thing I hear is Simone crying... about food. And then I saw Sams face. He looks like an Auschwitz surviver. Sunken eyes and a skinny pale face. Thats when I got pissed. Pissed that I would be trapped in the house for another day, even though it's gorgeous outside. I wasn't about to take Sam out with us to pick up our co-op order and go to the park like we'd planned. I literally haven't left the house once in 5 days except for a quick trip to Whole Foods the other night. Sam barely has the energy to walk across the room, let alone play at the park or go hiking. I desperately need fresh air and sunshine. So, I lost it. I started crying and vented to Jake about poor me. I'm so tired of this diet. I'm tired of us feeling starved and having to work so hard to nourish ourselves. You'd think soup is easy. But no. It's messy and time consuming and greasy. I feel a bit crazy right now. I just want us to be normal and healthy.
Jake decided to take matters into his own hands and pretty much made Sam eat for the first time in two days. Our plan had been to let him hold out as long as he wanted, hoping that he'd eventually come around. But looking at his face made me worried. STUPID TOXINS. STUPID CANDIDA. STUPID BAD BACTERIA. It makes me realize how much crap we live with in our culture. I've thought we're pretty healthy as a family, but obviously we have a lot of crap we're growing. My main motivation at this point is my children. I don't want them to go through what I've seen Jake deal with in the past year. I want them to grow up with strong healthy immune systems, healthy guts, stable minds and emotions and a good sense of what "health" actually means. It's easy to rationalize eating poorly. Believe me, I've done it time and time again throughout my life. But ultimately, it's irresponsible to do this. We are sick. And we're confused as a culture. We think we have it all together, but the fact is we are so behind other cultures. We can't even get the basics of how to feed our bodies right. You'd think we would have come a long way from a few hundred years ago, but the fact is we've strayed so far from what real food is that we don't even recognize or acknowledge real food anymore. What a sad state of affairs.
The goal of this diet is to heal and seal the lining of the gut so that food doesn't escape into our blood stream. When the lining of the gut has holes and lets food escape the body attacks it as if it's foreign, creating autoimmune reactions and diseases. Having a sick gut that is overridden with bad bacteria wreaks havoc on our bodies and minds. So much so that it's been linked to seizures, crohns, ulcerative colitis, Alzheimer's, depression and many other diseases and disorders.
No comments:
Post a Comment