Day 5 of the Diet

Jake is down to 177 pounds. That's 2 1/2 pounds lost in 24 hour and 8 pounds in a week. Altogether he's lost 27 since the symptoms started over a year ago. To me, who has seen him at a healthy weight, he looks very thin. This morning he was in the bathroom for over an hour, puking, cramping and groaning from the intensity of the pain. The flare ups leave him pale and completely drained of energy. The fact that he's still losing blood doesn't help either. He has a hard time even speaking after the flare-ups. It's so hard to sit outside the door, unable to help him. Praying is all I can do. We are cutting some additional things out of the diet that we suspect may be the cause of this flare up. Add peanut butter, almond flour, cheese and kifir to the list of illegal foods.

 Yesterday at church, we were called to the front to be prayed for. A large part of the congregation came up, laid hands on us and it was powerful and so encouraging. We feel so blessed to be a part of such a loving community. Afterward, we received a word from a wonderful, godly woman at church. She felt God say about Jacob that this disease was not going to result in Jacobs death. She felt like God was directing us to Psalms 142. Specifically Psalms 142:5 "

 ⁵I cried unto thee, O LORD: I said, Thou art my refuge and my portion in the land of the living."

It was confirmation for us of the peace we know in the midst of the storm.  Even though we both feel that things may get much worse before they get better, we have so much hope. Many things are  uncertain about our future right now, but regardless of what happens with Jacobs body, our finances, his job etc... we are in good hands! Neither of us takes any credit for how we're handling this. It is completely Gods grace and real presence that is keeping us so calm.

Last weekend God gave me three clear pictures that were so encouraging. The first picture was of me, inside a heart, sitting Indian style. I was looking down at the ground, it was dark outside and I was unable to see anything. In the second picture I saw myself sitting in the same position except my head was raised, looking straight ahead. Still it was dark and I could see nothing. In the next picture He I was still sitting but looking straight up into the sky and the stars were as bright as could be. For the first time I could see light.

He showed me that the first picture = burdened by current circumstances and unable to even raise my head. All I could see was "now" and how confusing and discouraging everything was. The second picture = looking too far into the future. Concerned about tomorrow... trying to control what cannot be controlled. Worried about Jacob getting better, worried about money, worried about him not being able to work and provide for the family. The third picture = letting go of the burdens of today, not worried about the future but instead, looking towards the ultimate Healer and Provider and letting Him take us into his loving embrace and finding freedom in knowing His goodness and heart towards us. I recently heard a quote that goes something like this... the darker the night the brighter the stars. I see this being true in my life right now. God wants the posture of our hearts to be towards Him. Nothing else. There is so much in our lives that demand our attention. We take on too much and forget that God knows our needs, our desires, our bodies and our futures better than we ourselves.